Cajun people like confession. Well, they don’t like confession exactly, they just like the concept of confession. You sit in the confession booth, separated by a screen from your priest, and you spill your guts, leaving out no details. The priest then performs some complex sin calculus (or Sin-Fu), and gives you your penance – usually a handful of prayers. That’s it! No matter how bad your behavior was all week, just recite a few quick Hail Mary’s, and your soul is cleansed and ready for Heaven. Cursed a little bit too much? Got way too drunk last Saturday night? Had a little bit of pre-marital nookie? Just make a trip to the good ‘ole confessional and all of your transgressions shall be forgiven.
Confession is the ultimate loophole. It’s ten times better than getting a ticket fixed cause when you go to confession, you’re fixing your way into Heaven, chére. Wait just one second, don’t you have to be genuinely sorry for the confession to work? Yes, but most Cajuns truly are sorry, even while they’re in the middle of committing their sins. In our minds, there is no hypocrisy, no contradictions. The party side of our brains tell us to keep having fun, while the Catholic school boy side keeps a tally of all our wrongdoings. Cajuns are the ultimate compartmentalizers. If you need proof, look no further than the throngs of Coonasses flashing their boobs on Mardis Gras, while going around with ashes on their foreheads the following day.
Of course this discussion of confession applies only to Cajun Catholics. There are two main sub-species of Cajuns: Catholics and Recovering Catholics. If you’re in the first group, then you think to yourself, “I’d better get to confession before I die in an accident, or I’ll go straight to hell.” On the other hand, a Recovering Catholic might reject the notions of confession and sin, but their stomach doesn’t. It’s hard to shake off the years of influence the Catholic Church has had on you, but that’s a completely different discussion.
Next time you commit a whopper of a sin, don’t forget to drop by the confession booth on Sunday. Sure, your fellow parishioners all know what you’ve been up to, but that doesn’t matter, cause you’re A-OK in the eyes of The Lord.