#11 Feeling Superior to Mississippi

MississipiiLouisiana hardly ever gets mentioned in the national news, and when it does, it’s almost always something bad. We’re usually leading the nation in high school dropouts, cancer deaths, obesity, and illiteracy. Growing up, I could always take comfort in knowing that no matter how bad off Louisiana was, Mississippi was usually slightly worse. Sure, Louisiana might rank 49th in income, but Mississippi was almost surely 50th.

Maybe it’s a misery loves company attitude. No matter how low you are on the totem poll, there’s always some fool under you that you can feel superior to.

Now I’m not saying it’s true that Louisiana is better than Mississippi (despite what my gut keeps tellin’ me). In fact, while fact gathering for this post, I found the opposite to be true. Mississippi beats Louisiana about as much as Louisiana tops Mississippi. In the same way we only remember the true things in a horoscope, we tend to have selective memory when it comes to Mississippi.

Now I usually just pull information from my butt, but I decided it was only fair to back up my claims. In doing that, I was surprised by some of what I found. Here are a few interesting statistics I pulled from here.

Louisiana Wins

Obesity Rate: Mississippi is fatter – 26% vs 23%
Tobacco Use: Mississippi smokes more – 18% vs 16.9%
Higher Education: Louisiana beats Miss by a hair – 21.2% vs 21.1%
8th grade math, reading, writing: Louisiana wins.
Mortality Rates: Louisianians live longer – 994.5 deaths per 100k vs 1010.6
% of houses that are mobile homes: Louisiana has fewer mobile homes – 11.7% vs 13.8% (Probably doesn’t include Katrina Trailers)
Teen Pregnancy: Louisiana has a lower teen birth rate – 56 vs 62.5 births per 1000

Mississippi Wins

High School Graduation Rate: Mississippi wins – 81.1 to 79.7
Violent Crime: Mississippi has significantly less violent crime (because of ‘dem fools in New Orleans)
Drunk Driving: Cajuns like to drink and drive – 46% traffic deaths are alcohol related vs 38%
Cancer death rate: Louisiana is higher – 222.8 vs 217.8 (Oil refineries?)
Infant mortality: Louisiana edges out Mississippi (only Washington DC is worse)
Toothless Residents
: Louisiana has more toothless residents (almost every old relative I know has false teeth)

So next time you want to go bashing Mississippi, keep in mind what we learned here today. Mississippi folk are a bunch of smoking, eating, knocked-up-gettin’ bastards, while Louisianians are a bunch of drunk driving, cancer dyin’, no-teeth-having fools. In the future, instead of bashing Mississippi every chance we get, we should join them…in making fun of Arkansas!

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8 thoughts on “#11 Feeling Superior to Mississippi

  1. While I am pure Cajun, chere, I live in SOAL (South Alabama), where the State Motto is “Thank God for Mississippi”.

    Perhaps the Gulf Coast States are always at the top or bottom of these “quality” polls because we like to LIVE and experience things, unlike our pretty dull northern compadres.

    Personally, I hope it deters the yankees from flocking down here now that Boomers are starting to retire. We get a bunch of snowbirds down here each year and many are just down right rude. I think there should be a national poll on manners and politeness. I would be big money that Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama (at least the Southern part of the state) would all be at the top of that one.

    BTW — LOL on the drinkin’ and drivin’. So true. Cajuns think that they are supernatural when it comes to alcohol “impairment”. We/They all think that a few beers actually helps you focus.

  2. Having slightly lower obesity and smoking rates doesn’t hurt us either. Of course, I’m still scratching my head over the obesity thing. I know how much fried food Cajuns eat. What the hell are these Mississippi people eating to outfat us?

  3. Fatback, Hamhocks, and Cake….Chocolate Cake.

    Cajuns generally don’t burn calories on sugar. Bread, yes. Cake, no. Doesn’t go well with beer.

    p.s. chuval — did you know that Miller Brewing carries 10oz. beers for only one area in the country? Acadiana. They contemplated eliminating this particular product about 20 years ago but their studies showed that sales of the product were concentrated to the area and that they could more than get the price to compensate for added production costs.

    Basically, Cajuns will pay for the privilege of not having to drink the last 2 oz. of backwash. If they’d just bring back “ponies”, they’d make a fortune.

  4. I’ve always been partial to filling up on rice and gravy rather than sugar.

    I was reminiscing about “ponies” the other day. I’m sad to hear they don’t sell them anymore. They were perfect, you could finish a beer while it was still cold. They were sort of the anti-40.

  5. I’m always proud to be a Cajun. I don’t care how low we rank, how fat or drunk we are, whatever. I love it. I grew up happy, my childhood was fabulous, my family is the best and I love being Cajun. Thanks for this site. It’s great.

  6. I could never really understand the whole Louisiana Mississippi thing… maybe it’s because I’m not from around here.

    And… BWAHAHAHA “no teeth havin fools”

    ROFL

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